Am I Your Servant?

I read an article in Homeschooling Today that really convicted me. Made me cry actually. It's hard to see your own sin untill it is brought into the light. The article is written by a mom with two small children, just like me. She begins the article describing my day, my feelings, my thoughts. Two kids yelling for this or that. Lack of sleep (yes Katie still wakes 2 times a night - and Emily is now in the habit of coming in - in the middle of the night).

Then she moves onto thoughts I admittedly have had, what was life before kids. If they weren't here, what would I be doing? I remember how we went away for weekends, spontaneously left the house at 9pm for coffee at the bookstore or a movie. Now, be assured, I would NEVER have my life any other way. I have NEVER wished I wasn't blessed with these two wonderful girls, but in the stress of the moments and day, you wonder.

Anyway, she continues with longings I too have, to use the bathroom without an audience, to simple go through one day without picking up the same toy off the floor for the 3rd time, or watching the same video for the 5th time. Then she notes, "My children have shown me something about myself I never would have learned any other way: I am selfish." Wow! It's true. Like this woman I lived my life the way I chose to live it. I served, helped, supported because I wanted to. With children, especially little children, there is no choice. You must feed them, care for them, clean up after them. "I was thrust into the role of on-call servant, like it or not."

Like her, this sudden thrust into every moment, every breath servitude is not so exciting. I like how she puts it. "They ignored my complaints, God didn't" Yes… You are their servant. Great! [my same thought] I wanted a littel sympathy, a little help, a little cooperation. Instead I got conviction." Me too. I really appreciated this part:
The fledging servant in my wants to tell my husband, Go.. to the gym. But the sinful me says "What?! All week you go to a clean, quiet office while I'm stuck in a messy house with loud, demanding children. I'm the one who should go to the gym! the only exercie I had this week was sixty knee bends with a laundry basket.". Actually mine is "you get to eat a quiet lunch, have a quiet moment, go to the bathroom all by yourself, read a book..."

Mark 9:35 says, If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all. Galations 2:20 says "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Like the author I will try my best to live the servant life for my family. I will put myself last. As she puts it, I will put my selfisness into Time Out and be the mom and wife God wants me to be. With that said, Jesus did not neglect His own needs. He took time to eat and rest and "regularly withdrew from the crowds. He understood the need to be 'filled up' in order to give out." So mommy needs her quiet time too, which I do get. Not as often as I probably would like, but there are times when I get time to do my thing, delve into my selfishness a bit. But I also have to remeber that Jesus gave up so much more than me. Suffered so much more than my petty frustrations over spilled milk. I will try to adhere to the lesson learned and the speaking of God in my life. I am a servant, and whether it's to my family, friends or God, it's a life that reflects the actions of Christ and His servant attitude.

"What Am I Your Servant?" by Lorraine Pintus, Homeschooling Today July/August 2007